


ashes and black

by Areiton



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (mostly but fuck the ending), Canon Compliant, Character Study, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, sad Steve Rogers, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29716458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton
Summary: The mark sits where it always has, shadows of black on his skin in an achingly familiar soulmark, solid like a paperweight and for the first time since half the world faded into nothing, Stevesobs.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 148





	ashes and black

There isn’t anything for him to say. They fly home, what’s left of them, and Steve sits in the back while Rhodey pilots, while Natasha makes desperate calls and Bruce holds a shaking Thor, or maybe Thor is holding him, but they cling to each other, a kind of desperation that he can feel in his bones, but his hands--

His hands are empty and dust coated and shaking, and he keeps rubbing them, the grit on them. 

The world fucking ended, but really--his world stops when Natasha murmurs, “Do you think Tony survived?”

~*~ 

His fingers tremble, and his stomach is churning, a fear that hasn’t settled since Thanos snapped his fingers, and his brothers dissolved into dust. 

He’s been shaking and not quite able to believe  _ any _ of this, not since Bucky said his name, all lost and small. 

This is different though, a fear that’s deeper, distilled, because for the past three hours while the world fell apart, and Wakanda drew up her borders and threw out the Avengers--this is facing a reality he doesn’t want to face, and he fumbles the familiar clasps of his suit before they give and he peels it down, lets it pool low on his hips and there--

The mark sits where it always has, shadows of black on his skin in an achingly familiar soulmark, solid like a paperweight and for the first time since half the world faded into nothing, Steve  _ sobs. _

~*~ 

He never told anyone. 

He never told  _ Tony.  _ He thinks Tony knew--Tony was--is--brilliant, he’d have figured it out, he  _ had _ to know. 

But he never told anyone because they got started on the wrong foot and then SHIELD came calling and Tony had Pepper and Steve had a secret that he had no idea how to share. 

He never spoke about the mandala on his hip, the one he knew was somewhere on Tony’s body, that marked them as  _ soulmates _ , as  _ destined.  _

But he stares at it with watery eyes and knows--Tony’s alive. 

~*~ 

Natasha looks at him, patient disbelief, when he insists Tony is alive. 

Bruce gives him something so sympathetic it makes him  _ hurt. _

They call Clint but there’s no response and Pepper won’t even look at him. No one has heard from Tony in almost four days and Nat says, gently, “We have to assume he’s gone, Cap.” 

“He’s not.” 

~*~ 

He finds Rhodey, drunk off his ass, with tears on his face, the seventh day after the Snap. The world’s in chaos, and Natasha is doing everything she can to hold together the pieces, but it feels more and more like the world wants them to vanish, to disappear into the dust they weren’t able to stop, and he’s--

He’s given everything he can and more, and he doesn’t know how to keep fighting, so he doesn’t. 

He hates himself, a little, but he doesn’t. 

He finds Rhodey, instead. “Tell me how you kept going, after Iraq,” he says, after he pries the bottle from Rhodey’s hands. 

“I had to,” Rhodey says. “He needed me.” 

Steve nods, and says, “He still does.” 

Rhodey stares up at him, and there’s hate and hurt and grief, unfathomanable, and he thinks that this is--this is brotherhood. 

The thirty years Tony and Rhodey stood together, the life they lived and wove together, the loyalty and love they shared until there was no one without the other, and it’s like staring at a half-finished painting, staring at Rhodey now, without Tony at his side. 

“How do you know,” Rhodey asks, hoarse, and Steve doesn’t answer, just pulls him to his feet. 

~*~ 

Carol Danvers comes, fury and beauty and flames. 

She can  _ fly _ and for the first time, Steve thinks maybe there’s hope. 

~*~ 

Sometimes, when he’s listening to Nat talk, reeling out the losses and rescue measure that aren’t rescue at all, that are just  _ stopgaps _ to slow the bleeding, he’ll let his fingers rest against his hip, where the black mandala is hidden by his uniform and his jeans, and he prays. 

~*~ 

Pepper Potts steps out of the Tower and throws every bit of her power and fortune as the CEO of SI into  _ helping _ . 

She stands in white and gold and for the first time, Steve thinks maybe there is more than stopgaps, maybe there is a rescue coming. 

He thinks Tony is a genius and  _ of course _ he loved her. 

~*~ 

Carol Danvers comes, fury and grief and a broken ship. 

The ramp lowers and Steve  _ runs,  _ heart pounding in his throat, and Tony comes out on the arm of a blue girl and he’s frail, shattered in a way that Steve’s never expected, is  _ terrified  _ by, and he clings to Stev, grief ravaged and empty. 

Until he’s fury and bitterness and the arc reactor is thrown in his hand, and Tony stumbles and falls. 

He’s alive and the world--Steve’s world--can move again. 

He follows Carol into space with the others, leaves Tony lying in his bed, the shadow of black on his arm matching the one on Steve’s hip.

~*~ 

He’s gone, before they return, defeated, and Steve is too tired to be anything but empty. 

~*~ 

Black lines twist and turn on his hip, a familiar interlocking mandala and he traces it, for five years, a sure sign that somewhere, Tony was happy, even if he wasn’t part of that. 

~*~ 

He can’t look at it, at the dusty lines of ash white on his hip, or the way Bucky and Sam watch him, wary and curious, or the flowers and arc reactor floating on the lake. 

He watches the sky instead, and thinks, 

_ I can fix this.  _

~*~ 

A heartbeat and a lifetime and the shadow of black lines stand out against his hip and Tony smiles at him, cautious and hopeful, in a life they could have lived. “Hey, Cap.” 

Steve takes a deep breath. “Tony,” he breathes, and Tony’s eyes go  _ wide _ , startled and Steve smiles, softly. “I have to tell you something.” 

FIngers rub against his arm, the shadow of black and Tony licks his lips, and smiles. 


End file.
